woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
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So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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