i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
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It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.