the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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