so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
