come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i dont even know how to be here
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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