hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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