Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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