Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Houston, we have a squirter
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
