I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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