I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
