Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm at about main and main street
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
