Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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