Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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