remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
