My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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