I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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