You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
