You made me cry and you don't even care
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize