The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I looked at my own cervix.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
