he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
