it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Mom said you looked used
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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