my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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