She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
