He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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