I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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