All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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