Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
