i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
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halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
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I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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