Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
