Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
