He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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