so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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