So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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