bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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