You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
