You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
