the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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