It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
