that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
