why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
