In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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