a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
