you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
