i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
