dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize