and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
