so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Can I color on your dick again?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I believe in your delicious
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
