pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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