does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
