My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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