I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
