Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
