why didn't you poke me back
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
