i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
