Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
