I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
