Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize