Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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