I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
