Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
