You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
