If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
